Partners and Porn

I’ve been hearing a ton of stories lately from women who want to divorce their husbands or break up with their long-time boyfriends because they watch porn.
Apparently their husbands/boyfriends get it on their whatsapps, through social media, or sometimes they surf the web looking for it, and the ladies feel fed up of finding out their mates’ “dirty little secret”.

Now, there are two ways to approach this scenario. You can either shrug it off and not make a big deal out of it, and be confident in the fact that your man is obviously sleeping with/attracted to you. Or, you can fight every time you find porn on his laptop, feel threatened every time his messages beep, and jeopardize your relationship over a 3-minute clip of some girl-on-girl action.

The fact of the matter is porn exists. Whatsapp groups with dirty jokes and sexy videos being exchanged exist. Sexual pictures on Instagram exist. It would be physically impossible, not to mention exhausting, to try and monitor your man’s behavior on the internet when porn is involved. It also begs the question of whether you trust your partner or not.

A lot of women will argue that it’s disrespectful and they feel insufficient and like they’re “not enough” for their partner. They’ve also said things like “If he was a real man, he’d tell his friends not to send him these videos/pictures out of respect for his marriage.”
While that is a fair notion, keep in mind that he’s not pursuing these video-clip stars/Instagram models.

If I had been faced with this dilemma 5 years ago, I would’ve been furious and may have spent nights crying myself to sleep. But, time (and a healthy honest relationship) has taught me that maturity is key when dealing with these sorts of situations. Why would I divorce my husband or break up with my boyfriend over a sex clip or a dirty joke between two guys? Is it really worth it?

It’s still a sensitive subject to many women. I’m curious to hear your opinion about porn when it comes to your relationships. Do you tolerate it or not? And gentlemen, do you tell your friends to stop sending you dirty things when you’re in a relationship?

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6 thoughts on “Partners and Porn

  1. Ali says:

    As a man, no. I don’t ask me friends to stop sending them because I agree that it is harmless and as long as my emotional and physical attraction is for my significant other then I see it just like a woman looking at different bags when she already has one (minus the intent to replace! xD)

    If my significant other asked me to stop watching porn and asked me to tell my friends to stop sending me any I’ll try to explain your points and if not, and she fails to see how good the relationship is then it’s time to look for someone more mature

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  2. Mohamed says:

    I think it’s healthy sometimes for couples to watch porn together. It can spice things up in the bedroom and I feel as long as you are both honest about it together, then it shouldn’t be a problem. It’s the hiding it and doing it without the other knowing that can cause strain on a relationship.

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  3. S07 says:

    I think there’s this misconception that porn is watched only by men.

    Well, it’s not only men who watch porn. To be really honest, my first girfriend loved watching porn. She’d want me to watch it with her. I guess it was sort of like foreplay for her. Now, I was never interested and I’m still not. For me it’s more like, why watch someone else “do” it when you can just do it with a woman yourself? Makes sense doesn’t it?

    It wasn’t just her, I know so many girls who love watching porn. Single and already engaged. Some get off on that and some just watch it to use those moves with their partners.

    I think it’s harmless provided it doesn’t interfere with the sex life of the couple. We all know that porn addicts exist. That’s troubling.

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    • Thank you! Many women watch porn, though maybe not as openly and as often as some men. Watching it together can be considered foreplay, if you’re into that type of thing. I find that its a little awkward watching it with a partner, so I understand when men watch it alone. As long as they’re not leaving their mate hanging, then it’s fine.

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  4. I agree with the comments above.

    I like porn. (I’m a; right-brainer – I’m visual…) I’ve had problems with men in relationships before because they didn’t want me watching it – or didn’t want me even to watch it with them. I find that really odd. Or maybe it was a male insecurity thing? I don’t know.

    It is like anything else (like computer games or watching movies or spending hours chatting): Recreational use is ok as long as it doesn’t affect your real-life relationships.

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