Most Kuwaiti women are purposeful in a sense that they most likely won’t involve themselves in a relationship if the intentions weren’t clear from the start. And by intentions, I mean love, marriage, and a baby carriage.
Sure, not all women are looking for marriage or kids, but being in a stable, healthy, and happy relationship is honestly one of the few joys living in Kuwait has left to offer. It’s nice to take care of someone and be taken care of, and to feel a sense of security and excitement while everything else seems so mundane.
Being in a relationship is fun. You get to discover the person you’re with, and they surprise you every day (in good ways and bad ways!), and you get to understand yourself better. It’s the absolute best when you find your heart-twin, soulmate, best friend, etc.
Eventually the quiet storm evolves into a hurricane of emotions, and you find yourself thinking about him/her before you go to sleep, wondering what it’d be like to wake up by their side, live life together, start a family, what your kids would look like… The whole nine yards.
When you get caught up in those emotions and thoughts, it is inevitable that you’d want to find out if your partner feels the same way. So you ask. And then, more often than not, you get hit with the piano-out-of-the-sky response that crushes every last bit of your matrimonial imagination:
“I don’t want to get married.”
Here, you have two options; you either prod and ask why and formulate a plan in your head to change his mind, or you can go home and cry about it and ride along with the relationship till you give up.
Both are shitty options. I know. Almost every guy I’ve dated has given me the same response, and I know it’s not because of me.
It’s because of our society and the way they look at marriage. It’s because of how expensive being married is, even if you’re the type of woman that doesn’t want gifts or lavish vacations or a fancy apartment. You just want security. You want a best friend to grow old with.
We understand that finding a decent, well-priced apartment is difficult. We understand that you want to be financially secure before you feel responsible for another person. We understand that sometimes you like your space and want to hang out with your buddies. A happy, healthy marriage with the right person isn’t a ball-and-chain, or a golden cage. It’s your life, just the way it is, with another version of yourself that loves you and wants to add value to your days.
I hate that something so beautiful and natural has developed one of the worst reputations in our society because everyone decided to focus on the financial demands that come with marriage rather than realize all the great benefits that you don’t even have to pay a single fils for.
I know women that have gotten married to men they love without asking for a mahar (dowry) or a shabka (expensive jewelry set) or a wedding.
The fact that it is becoming more difficult to find someone who isn’t afraid of commitment is making Kuwaiti women less keen on dating.
Why are men so afraid of settling down? What could ultimately change the negative ideologies that are associated with marriage and commitment? Do any of you face these fears? What are you doing to tackle them?