Is Romance Dead?

I’ve previously brushed up on the lack of actual “dating” in relationships in Kuwait, and how difficult it is for men and women to enjoy an outing without the fear of being seen by any family members or friends. Discretion is important to some, and while I completely respect the fact that some prefer to keep their private lives private, it makes me wonder how this lack of courtship through dates is compensated, if at all.

I’ve been in several relationships where the male in question doesn’t like to go out, or doesn’t have the time to plan quiet romantic dates or extravagant outings. The only time in which I’ll half-way agree to such situations is if he is making up for the lack of dates with the way he talks to me or treats me when we are together or talking on the phone. Needless to say, it didn’t work out.

Sure, it sounds superficial, but the reality is that women fall in love with what they hear, and men fall in love with what they see.
Gentlemen, regardless of whether she tells you or not, your woman wants to feel special. She wants to hear sweet words and find “good morning, beautiful” texts waiting for her when she wakes up. The thing is, we can’t tell you these things because it will then seem forced, and nobody wants forced texts or sweet talk. Is it so hard for Kuwaiti men to be romantic?

Of course, I won’t generalize. Not all Kuwaiti men have a hard time being romantic. The few that do have this problem, though, blame it on the fear that it could emasculate them.
Let this be a PSA that we do not think you are less of a man when you try to woo us with sweet words and little surprises. It makes us appreciate your bravado, gives us incentives to reciprocate, and makes us fall in love with you even more.
When we aren’t surprised, a void is created, and with that void making us wonder how good it could be, we lose romantic interest in the person we’re with.

Gentlemen, what kind of romantic things do you do for your special lady? If you don’t do so, what hinders this?

Ladies, what emotional aspects of a relationship are important to you, and how do you induce a man into doing these things without making it feel forced?

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15 thoughts on “Is Romance Dead?

  1. em says:

    I think the trick up my sleeve is showing APPRECIATION! It always works! Even if its the smallest thing, once you start encouraging and appreciating your partner, rather than saying “oh look at that guy what he did for his bae” (Lol, everyone’s using this term nowadays :)) I think it has a more postive outcome, for the both of you’ll. Sometimes though, I subtly hint saying “omggg look so cute that this guy thought about so and so for his girl”, so that my partner feels its normal to be doing these things or be thinking about “cheesy” ways to pamper Le woman. Also, a smile always works… the more happy you are the more happy he would want to keep you…. Therefore, things you like should be expressed with UTMOST happiness ladies 🙂 But all in all, no matter what it is everything seem appealing, as long as YOU know how to make it fun for yourself, may it be a simple conversation or a bountiful amount of gifts . Stay humble with gratitude and you will be happy 🙂

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  2. Romance is really hard in this era of technology (and yes, in this culture/area). I don’t have the time to meet men (and it is also hard here) the “conventional way”. Like a lot of people, I meet men online and then there is another layer of difficulty because you’re not actually seeing them, as you said, and you can’t gauge the chemistry.

    I am totally turned off by any type of sex talk (even implied) when I first start talking to a man. It is an immediate turn off. Done. I don’t even want to talk to them again. If there are redeeming qualities that I like, I try to give the guy a chance and actually tell them how I feel. If he still continues, I figure that’s all he’s really interested in and I move on.

    Regardless of male or female, if someone really appreciates you/values you/is into you, he/she/shim is going to make an effort to care about what YOU are interested in and what YOU find romantic. it shouldn’t be hard – it should be a no-brainer. Now, finding that special person is difficult. I believe in starting off slooooow and as friends and see who is going to understand you. If, after some time, they don’t understand who you are and what your wants/needs/desires are, maybe you should move on.

    The same should be said for OTT romantic guys (also a turn-off!). Mushy and emotional right off the bat is still an indication that a man hasn’t listened to who I am (who you are). Dude doesn’t have to tell me that he loves me and wants to buy me everything and anything within the first 2 days he’s met me. That just makes him seem needy.

    Romance should be (and should feel) natural and not forced. Everything falls into place if you get to know what is INSIDE the person you have CHOSEN to spend your time with.

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  3. i’ve always been hopelessly romantic and wanted to be with someone who appreciates romance, and practise it! but my perspective in life changed due to my experience, i no longer find romance a necessity because people can fake romance in order to hide their motives. If a person is naturally romantic or is occasionally romantic “to please his/her partner” that would have been perfect. However, in my opinion , having someone responsible enough to rely on, someone who will take a good care of you, who will respect you, and who will do the impossible to see you smile is what counts. Unless you are having a casual relationship and not considering marriage in the future.

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  4. Ree says:

    This is a big subject but in general I think media/movies/tvshows affected people’s perception on relationships/love (mostly for women). There is no freaking way I would wake up everyday and send “Good morning beautiful”, it is just non-sense. There is a new movement in the U.S. against these kind of idea, but unfortunately for us there is none (maybe a few but not the whole majority).

    Yes Kuwait’s culture prevents planned dates and stuff. But I think women are becoming over obsessed with the idea. Yes I love you but you are not the point or the purpose of my life, get over it. Like how we evolved from apes, you don’t like the idea? no one cares and it happened so get over it. Plus “no-sex” kills it for guys like us (in Kuwait but this is not the case in the U.S. or other countries, women actually are more sexually active then guys). Whether you like it or not, we are sexual creatures. Our 50 to 25 millions years ancestors had been having sex. But when we mention it, it is like we on par with rapists. Especially that some still believe that they have to save it for marriage, that is non-sense. I am with the notion that people SHOULD have sex before getting married.

    Personally, most of the romantic things I do include nature stuff or just spending time with my partner talking (about everything). I don’t do costly stuff (if she wants expensive stuff, it means she is after your money not you as a person). I do thoughtful stuff that she is into.

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    • Dalal hij says:

      I approve with that, it really became a chessy & not fully from heart & kinda of just a duty , I see it as completely turn off if a guy *good morning text * similar things, l had experienced a relationship like this I couldn’t continue with it, I felt we playing a role not irl, I SAY GO WITH IT NATURALLY SAY WHAT U FEEL BE SWEET & ALWAYS APPRECIATE UR PARTNER.

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  5. sama says:

    It’s not difficult for men and women to enjoy an outing without fear of being seen by family members or friends….

    rephrase that, the wording is misleading

    I think you mean: it’s difficult for couples to enjoy a date without fear of being seen by family or friends

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  6. My advice is on this matter is “always keep them wanting”.

    I know, with our partners we want being with them to be our solace, our peace of mind. But the reality of the matter is, we’re all human. We tend to make mistakes, forget to take care of ourselves, take things for granted especially when we are being kicked in the ass all the time.

    Notice the classes you did well in, usually either you were a natural talent at it or you had a teacher who was always on your back to concentrate / work hard. This is the same concept. Its annoying to work like that when all you want to do is chill with that person, but SOMETIMES its necessary. Both ways.

    Anyone noticing their partner slacking off, make them want you by doing things that not necessarily make them jealous (not a good idea girls!), but things that show them that you’re “not” thinking of them. Temporarily of course, dont let it drag on.

    Two things can happen: either they’ll realize that they’ve been slacking off and try to woo you back, or they’ll continue doing what they’re doing and you’ll realize where you stand.

    Either way, win win.

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  7. M says:

    Wow, i found your blog today and loved it so much (i went through every entry)!
    You have a wicked spot on point of view and i really like the way you think,as a foreigner that has lived here on and off for the last decade i have found myself dating in Kuwait a couple of times and its true that romance is sort of dead,but old school romance id say should not be confused with chivalry, which kuwaiti men mostly are, i think here its more about the small details

    I dont think its so much that they dont want to try to go for grand gestures and make an effort, it has more to do with the lifestyle here which is more passive than most places, so the cycle of activities out of their comfort zone is just too unfamiliar some times and therefore the effort/excitement of chasing you is short lived and then everyone starts slagging off and the relationship dies (talking about my experience only, dating is hard anywhere in the world in any case)

    Its difficult because the country doesn’t exactly brew fun events or things to do as a couple (you have to look hard, im a constant scavenger of things to do when im here) that you would find in other places, but also theres the keeping face game, some people are too busy living an entirely different life at home, in front of their cousins, closer friends, etc etc and when you add the early dating stages you would had anywhere else before you define the relationship and where you can drive or go to then you end up in strange situations; ex you’re the gf in this gathering with close friends and 3 days later you will play just friends if you run into his cousins in 360 because family ties, kuwait,etc

    And then theres technology,that husky annoying mistress that lits up non stop on the everyones phones to distract us from real life interactions, i always ask my friends or guy im dating to please put their phone down if we are chatting. News and constant updates from the online world are extremely in your face here and people are obsessed with info but as times change and so does the idea of romance, wouldn’t you consider a gesture that someone puts their phone down for 3 hours and shuts down from the world (omg what have we come to hehe?!?!)

    That said, ive also been wonderfully surprised by really creative guys that have managed to make kuwait super fun and a special experience, and being a romantic myself, i also think it shouldnt be expected one sided, it should come from both and so far here that has been a key point in any relationship ive had, make them feel special and also plan things and that will motivate them too

    Sorry about the super long comment, your points really clicked with my experiences t seeing that both kuwaiti girls and non kuwaiti face the same issues, regardless of the culture, keep the great posts!!

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  8. ay bee says:

    The last comment about it not being all Kuwaiti’s saved this post in my opinion, I’m a Kuwaiti male and when I WAS in a relationship, I would always keep my S.O feeling “cared” for. Romance is not dead, it’s just hidden in the basement for breaking some social rules. I never understood guys who wouldn’t make his S.O and treat her like how a lady should be treated as, it doesn’t matter if you get “caught” per-se but how will it look in the eyes of your S.O that you’re too scared to have a dinner with her. I went out in public eyes of friends and family on a date, they wouldn’t know it was a date, to them it was just people enjoying dinner, but pushing that extra mile for the girl you’re in a relationship with shouldn’t be a choice, it should be your duty. Even the idea of romance isn’t really dead because of people’s eyes, I remember one occasion years ago, where I had just gotten back from a trip with family and during the trip happened to miss a special occasion (Anniversary, V-Day, I can’t really remember) I remember walking to her place in the middle of the night, dropping a bouquet of flowers that I had picked up earlier and a gift, with a note saying “I’m sorry I missed our day. Just wanted to make it up with this.” and then telling her to go down as I was leaving so that she had no idea, This stuff didn’t need anyone knowing nor did I need to do it, you have to make the girl feel special from your own merit. Love your blog, Hope to read more!

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