The Forbidden Fruit(s)

Here’s the thing with sex/sexuality in Kuwait: everybody does it, but no one ever talks about it.. Like an undercover taboo that we pick at over conversations with our best friends but don’t really discuss.

It could be because of the religious aspect of abstaining till marriage, or it could be the social purgatory you’d send yourself to if you ever told someone that you are sexually active. “3aib” has become more important and feared than “7aram” in some cases, so I think the latter is probably the most true.

I never got the “sex talk” from my mom. I don’t think I’ll get it even if I get married. My married friends never got it either. I guess our moms just assume we know because of the internet and TV and all of the things we’re open to (no pun intended).
I’m not entirely sure how it goes for men, but the guys I’ve dated have never been given the birds-and-the-bees talk from their fathers. Some have (clearly) never even paid attention during that one day in Biology class where your red-faced teacher embarrassedly hurried over the reproductive anatomy section of the textbook. “Can you pee when you’re on your period?” …What?

Because we don’t talk about it and we tie so many social stigmas to people that do do it, sex becomes shameful, disconnected, and after it’s all over, it leaves you feeling like you’ve sinned on behalf of the entire Kuwaiti population.

Another thing about it is that very rarely do you come across a man that not only wants to please a woman, but also knows how. Some Kuwaiti men translate their genetic arrogance into a me-first/me-only attitude in the bedroom. And those who don’t are clueless when it comes to finding out what she likes because they don’t ask.
After so much time spent wondering why it is the way it is, a lengthy conversation with a friend over brunch cemented a plausible theory: because we are raised to understand that we can’t do “it” till we’re married, we experiment with self-pleasure until the time comes. And when Mr./Ms. Right takes too long to find us, our minds and bodies give up on us and we break the unspoken rule of no-sex-till-marriage. And when we break that rule, we go into a whole new world knowing only how to please ourselves and not the other person we’re with. As a result, sex becomes mechanical.

On the contrary, I’m sure plenty of new-age Kuwaitis have zero problems in the bedroom because they’re vocal, inquisitive, and are happy to create a shared loving bond between them and their partner. This sub-culture of Kuwaitis also understand that while it is still a taboo, sex is not a bad thing.

My question is: is it ever going to be okay to discuss sex and all the other branches that come with it freely/openly? And how do we go about changing society’s views on something so natural yet so frowned upon? What do you think?

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12 thoughts on “The Forbidden Fruit(s)

  1. d6 says:

    honestly, i don’t think this issue should be addressed… yes it is natural because of human nature, however, unnatural to the state because we do address some of the Shari’a laws in our country and we are an Islamic state and doing so would contradict not only our constitution but what our shared beliefs are in accordance to our ancestors and what has been passed on.
    & it is a Sin to have sex more the less speak about it in a public manner ( in which our religion restricts us to do and in fact our religion does simplify to why we shouldn’t– in a very logical reasonable manner)
    therefore, their are things that should be hush-hush and having sex should not be something a person would be proud of speaking specially if you were a Muslim. Pleasing a women shouldn’t come from sex, honestly, is that what the world only cares about these days?
    I know that a lot of people have done it but prefer not to talk about it, but you know what? its better not knowing than to know.

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  2. nokitalk says:

    Haha. Tats a Gud thought. Well if you go west u can discuss it freely and d trend is slowly coming to d east. Maybe it will hit Kuwait after 20-30 year wen d new city is built. 🙂

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  3. Analogue says:

    Wat this? beebole making THEsixxx? OMG, this 3ayeb & haram for evry girel, butt ok for guys! LMAO but seriously until this mentality changes (maybe the next 30+ years) then things are pretty much hopeless here. If anything we are going backwards and becoming more conservative like KSA’s butt-buddy. Look at Kuwait in the 60’s and 70’s…and not just in these terms but in general. Kuwait had a solid culture and identity back then. Now it’s just a generic new-money-trashy-corporate-retail “GCC oil dispensary #2″. Gotta love shopping for ‘male leather purses” at LV then having MCD for dinner in the Porsche Cayenne cruising up & down luv istreet rraqqaming girls and other guys (not gay if you’re on top lmao).

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    • tantei-kun says:

      I take this is a satire?

      So a woman on top is…actually a man? I’m sorry, I got everything except the end. What’s wrong with being on bottom? Are positions really that important? I mean, it’s not like you’re going to stab anyone, which would be easier on top, right? Or is this some sort of power/control issue that comes with being ‘on top’?

      On another hand, if this wasn’t what you meant, I’m sorry. I just get annoyed when people make a big deal of sexual positions (and lack thereof.) I would be very annoyed if I never got to top because a man didn’t want to become a ‘woman’.

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  4. Maha says:

    Full disclosure: I grew up in the States and came out here for work. I don’t know a great deal about Kuwaiti culture, but I’ve seen how awkward other Muslims can act when the topic of the big “S-E-X” comes up.
    I agree with D6 in that having relations with the opposite sex before marriage is haram—and for good reason. I was conceived out of wedlock and it’s a stigma my mother has carried for the rest of her life. When we follow Islam, we are protected from this sort of thing.
    However, you, dear, “I Date Kuwait,” are also correct in pointing out that sex and dating is something many of us divulge in. Talking only for myself, I put off marriage so I could complete university and work. Does that mean I should never go on a date? Never enjoy a gentleman’s company until I’m 30?
    There is also a huge double standard when it comes to this topic; basically, a blind eye is turned for men who date around before marriage, but, should a lady date or enjoy her body—SCANDALOUS!—it can seriously impact her social and marriage prospects. I am more careful now with the company I keep than I was as teenager. But does that mean I am no longer qualified to be a good wife? To be a good Muslima? Of course not!
    Islam is beautiful in that it emphasizes the importance of sex between a husband and wife. In fact, this is where D6 is incorrect. There are many ahadith that openly and frankly discuss how a husband can (and should) please his wife, and a wife, her husband. Indeed, sex is best observed only in marriage, but for many of us, marriage is not yet an option. We should still hope to please our current partner, and learn how to protect them (and ourselves) during sex.
    Finally, Islam is a religion of learning. We are told it is the duty of every man and woman to gain knowledge. It bothers me when, taboo or no taboo, others are truly oblivious to how the body works. I once had to explain to a boyfriend how menstruation and menopause work. Seriously, it’s called Wikipedia. Do the research yourself.

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    • Z says:

      Dear Maha,

      I understand your sense of openness, however, it is quite clear in ISLAM that sex should only occur AFTER marriage not before. Such a statement may deem me closed minded, even though I am not. But understanding your boundaries as a Muslim is important. If you choose to engage and pleasure yourself with sex before marriage then you are bluntly committing a sin BE IT man OR woman. If you want to F*** out of wedlock, that’s up to you. But don’t try to TWIST Islam to match your conceptions in such a way. If everyone chose to have sex before marriage then that’s just mainstreaming it. So much for something that is intimate and personal/special that is shared between husband and wife alone. ‘Cause guess what? he or she will just be another man/woman you’ll be f***ing in a long term contract! haha….. (/sarcasm) :-/

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      • I agree with some things you said, dear Z, but if you think that marriage is mainly about sex, or as you so eloquently put it, “f–King in a long term contract, it is in your best interest to read up on what makes a marriage, and more importantly, what makes a marriage last.

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  5. Z says:

    Oh I see you deleted my reply/second comment on here to you Miss. Idatekuwait. How NOT surprising from you :] “Ignorance is bliss” as they say… (smiles and waves).

    P.s. and yes, my reply to you (idatekuwait) was here before.

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  6. Rawan says:

    This blog is so biased. I check all the time for comments because I am interested in the back and forth aspect but seriously you keep deleting so many comments. Isn’t the whole point to keep an open discussion? Who cares if people don’t agree with you, they don’t know who you are. Keeping all the comments no matter how much they annoy you or don’t agree with actually stimulates people to get their opinions out and help see where each person is coming from. This blog would be dumb if I found out you had to “approve” the comments, that just destroys the whole point of this site.
    And FYI, to all the people reading, the biggest problem with you Kuwaitis is that they don’t think someone can be religious and open-minded at the same time. You think that just because we don’t agree with something someone does because of our religious values, you think we sit all day cursing your souls. You obviously think we have no life. Sucks for you guys because you guys have no life if you think we don’t get the most out of every moment without living the way you think we should.

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    • Comments are moderated because some people leave vulgar and offensive comments that I don’t feel are appropriate for this blog. I don’t selectively delete comments that I don’t like. I also don’t sit in front of a computer all day to moderate and post, so by the time I check my email, there are tons of comments awaiting moderation.

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