Growing up around and going to school with girls from well-off families, I always felt a little crappy at the fact that I couldn’t afford designer bags and I never looked as well-put-together as they did. They spoke a certain way, drove nice cars, and guys thought they were gorgeous and so hard to get. I wanted to be just like them, and no matter how hard I tried, I was always one step too far. With time, I learned to accept my Plain Jane self and embraced my shortcomings.
The most comment (or compliment?) I get from the guys I’ve dated is that I’m “different”. And every time I prod them for elaborations on what “different” actually means to them, they say I’m not like the other Kuwaiti girls – I’m myself. The fact that I was a breath of fresh air to some made me feel good, and with that air of confidence, I became the lover and best friend rolled into one.
But like clockwork, at some point in the relationship, without any introductions or preliminaries, they’d announce that they’re getting engaged to someone else. This someone else is usually the complete opposite of who I am, and all the confidence I’d built up for months would come crumbling down like a soft sandcastle. What was wrong with me?
The last relationship I was in ended in the worst way – the male in question disappeared without a trace and got married (I found out via text), and would pretend not to see me whenever we crossed paths.
It would take years for me to realize that I’m not the problem. Maybe, as my best friend so eloquently put it, they’re intimidated by me. Maybe they don’t know how to live up to all the awesomeness I’ve surrounded myself with. Maybe they just want to be with someone that doesn’t challenge them.
Whatever the case was, I was tired of dealing with insecure Kuwaiti men who obviously couldn’t handle me.
Being single for a few years now has built my self-esteem up, and I feel more self-sufficient and independent than ever. I still wonder what the hell Kuwaiti men are looking for in a mate, and why they contradict themselves so much when it comes down to what they want and what they end up going for.